Advice I Gave a Friend, which I also Needed to Hear

Sometimes I think we forget the people in our lives are present by choice. Friends, family, significant others are all people we choose to have in our lives, and who choose to be in ours. We may not always feel that way, but it is something we often forget.

I tend to forget I am choosing to share my energy and presence with those I surround myself with. Therefore, if someone is in my life they should be adding to it, if they are not, I should question why I am choosing to maintain this relationship.

Similarly, if these people in my life are adding stress and we are constantly fighting, why am I choosing to keep a tie which will not progress? Why am I choosing to have someone who gets angry with me or grows cold when I express how I feel? Why am I choosing to share my time with someone who is not reciprocating, making me feel awful and unloved?

When we look at our various relationships it should be clear why we are choosing to maintain them. We should always be able to validate the choice, and if we can’t that is a problem.

At times, our generation can tend to over communicate. We feel a need to constantly be in contact, which often can lead to tensions, frustrations, things being said we may not mean, often because we run out of topics or we are so constantly communicating we feel weird when we stop. When in reality, we should only spend our energy talking when we have something to say. Otherwise, yes we are sharing time together, but maybe it is not necessary or beneficial. Maybe it is not bettering our connection but worsening it because we are so engulfed in one another we are losing ourselves, forming an unhealthy attachment, or we do not have our own time to grow and progress, doing all that we wish.

There is benefit in time alone, reflection, self discovery. Yet with cellphones and social media we feel a need to constantly be connected, we feel anxious if we do not know everything the other is doing, but why do we have the right to? We should share what we wish to, nothing more and nothing less, inviting the person into our worlds in the amount we want.

Sometimes I wonder if that is why beginnings of relationships are so happy, because we still have our sense of selves and alone time. Constant contact can create a dependency that we do not have the right to have, nor should we. We need to balance our communication with our own personal time, our productive time, as well as with every single person in our lives we share our energy and ourselves with. We should be able to validate our choices to have them in our lives, and never forget, it is a choice, no matter who they are.

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