Using

Talking with you is my drug –

every time you respond

I feel my high increase

each message

building my dosage

waiting for the next,

but when you lag,

when we talk once per day,

or worse,

none at all,

I feel the withdrawal

constantly searching,

rechecking my phone,

I should not feel this dependent,

I don’t know how I lost control

but I guess like any addict,

during my time of weakness

you entered my life

making me feel as though

I could be distracted

from everything which was weighing on me,

but that is the thing about distractions

they do not last forever,

eventually you must face your monsters

and sometimes

those monsters

may become inclusive

of what you used

as your crutch

to get through your obstacles,

but you never really got through them,

you simply pushed them aside

changing your focus

to something else 

continuing the cycle

until the aggregated pile pushed aside

has become so massive

you are surrounded

your view is blocked

everything is crashing upon you

like a tsunami

but you are not blind

you are engulfed,

unsure of which way is up

and rehab will not fix this addiction,

you must face all your fears,

accept your broken heart,

and realize

that your pain cannot be mended

through the addition of another in your life,

you must reconcile the relationship

between your head

your heart

and reality

by yourself

-POE(MS)

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