You say you want to catch up, reaching out my heart leaps at the idea. Excited to see your name on my screen again. Remembering our adventures, three-thousand miles away from where I am now. The light in your eyes, the joy in your heart, the positivity radiating from your being. You can calm me like no other, your presence is my healing, from tear stained nights after losing a loved one, to cuddling in your lap with alcohol induced giggles while we waited to go to a party, to the nights we snuck into studios to let our inner-children roam free.
I open up to you about my inner demons. The battles I am currently fighting which seem to be growing stronger with every passing struggle. I do not tell you how difficult it has become, back to a weight which seems unbearable, because I can sense you are reaching to me as a lifeline, as stability, as the one who will always be there, even if we are thousands of miles apart. I tell you of my stressors, the triggers, the high-level effect this weight is having on me, but how I am trying to control it. The steps I take in an effort to better myself before the toxicity consumes me. You remind me of the light, the glowing exit sign I must keep focus on to guide me through, for it is only temporary.
But then, you tell me of your toxins, the things you are flooding your body with. Drifting farther away from the person with the special space in my heart as you once have before. Part of me wishes to come see you, to see if a mini retreat will better us both, leading us back to our true selves. But I know where you are now, living in a space which scared me to my core the second I stepped foot in its parameters, filled with snakes of all kinds and dangerous air. I am scared to visit you, to be met with an exterior I recognize but a soul I do not know.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I want you safe. Please my darling, oh please take care of yourself. Place the value of your health over drugs for I do not know how I could survive if I were to lose my dear friend.