I lean into music when I feel unsafe burdening my weight on those around me. Replaying lyrics until they blend into the background, vocalizing my thoughts, feelings, truths I am too afraid to admit. They combine like a child making a sundae, building on top of one another, rarely blending well, but quickly shifting, layering above one another, striking before the previous can truly be tasted.
“I need somebody who loves me naked”
“take me back to your atoms, not on my knees quite yet”
“what the hell is love if you’re in complete control”
“what I’m thinking of, is it haunting you”
“I am sorry if I ever let you down”
“who put the world on my back and not in my hands, just give me a chance”
“picked up all your burdens, I feel colder when it rains outside”
“I don’t think they know it, how bad I’m broken, the colors you see have become lost on me”
“feel like my heart and my mind got a rivalry, feel like my thoughts and emotions are fighting inside of me”
“I’ve been lost since 1999…blame it on my youth”
“I try my best to embrace the darkness in which I swim”
“you can’t take the light from the sun, you can’t take the waves from the ocean”
“we’re gonna rabbit hole down, third act love now”
It is a riddle I barely understand, only processing through the emotions I feel, yet cannot seem to put to words.