She looked in the mirror,

holding her own eye contact,

took in the body her younger self strived for,

the features she found to feel beautiful,

with a career

the outside world deemed to be successful,

but still muttered to herself

“dear girl,

why are you so sad”

listing through her friends betraying her the night before,

the discomfort provoked by family,

causing endless panic attacks

and tears on edge –

she wanted to escape,

knowing physically was not an option,

and mentally

would cause her therapist to worry,

holding hope to be strong,

knowing the winding feelings rarely lead upward


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