You don’t want me running to anyone else,
want to be my first line of defense,
but how does that work
when I’m not allowed
to speak to you?
Will I be scoffed at
for running to a friend
to discuss the fear of a mental spiral,
to celebrate my one thousandth poem
in the way we were supposed to,
or a stranger
when the five letter feared diagnosis occurs?
Map the responses,
tell me how
this is supposed to work
when I’d run to you
but am not allowed to.